SCP >> cmo

[iblistriggered]

It’s never too late to hope for a better future
UNREAD E-MAILS (12)	VOICEMAILS (06)	Silver: [ AG06 ] PESTERCHUM [ArgentESPer]

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[eldritcheyes]

[There's a long pause, followed by Leo's voice replying quietly in a tone that gives away nothing about his mental state.]

It's open.

[Once Silver opens the door, he'll notice Leo's got the curtains drawn, the only light in the room the flicker of the TV. The young man's sitting on his bed, focused on the screen, a game controller cradled in his hands. It looks like he's playing a Katamari Damacy clone with the sound turned all the way down. He's probably not in the mood for the cheerful music, but he's even less in the mood to play anything that involves killing enemies, even monsters.

There's empty junk food wrappers overflowing the trash can nearby, plus a box filled with recyclables. At least Leo himself seems to have showered recently and he's wearing clean clothes, but his room is a disaster area.]

[iblistriggered]

[Silver takes in the appearance of the room with a sad look on his face. Leo really got hit hard by the house stuff, and the dying, and... well. Silver probably didn't make it any better with his own attitude about the whole thing. He makes a note to take out the garbage for him when he leaves]

... I'd ask how it's going, but... is it going better, at least?

[eldritcheyes]

[Leo just shrugs, his attention seemingly glued to his game. Only people who know him well, like Silver, would know it's simply because he feels too awkward to make eye contact. He's not nearly as focused as he normally would be while gaming. Plus a few of his fingernails look like they've been chewed down to the skin. It's not something he ever did before.

Onscreen, one of the things he could roll into his not-katamari is a hugging couple. His lips pinch together and he veers sharply away from the blocky pair.]

Not much else to do while we're in quarantine, but at least they're not giving us to the clown for dissection.

[Not really an answer to Silver's question, but that answer's not one he wants to give right now.]

[iblistriggered]

[Silver frowns again. He knows Leo isn't ignoring him or shrugging him off, at least, where other people might.

He does notice that avoidance of the couple though...]

Yeah. You know, I had forgotten that Hestia kind of influences people's emotions and stuff while there. I didn't notice until everything wasn't... so much... anymore.

[eldritcheyes]

Mm.

[It's almost casual, maybe almost dismissive, but... no, it's more like someone pretending to be just to keep their cool. The timer runs out on the game, and the not-katamari is just shy of minimum size. Leo sighs, drops the controller, and flops back onto the bed.]

I'm bored but at the same time I don't feel like doing anything. It sucks.

[iblistriggered]

I think that's called "being depressed", man. Do you wanna talk about it...?

[Silver kicks back on the bed. This isn't exactly what he came here to talk about, but Leo hadn't sprung back at all]

At any rate, there's only a week left, then we can go to whatever site.

[eldritcheyes]

... not really. But I guess that's not really a satisfying answer, huh?

[Leo drags his pillow into his arms, hugging it to his chest and almost under his chin.]

I'm not sure where I'm going. I should keep up Thaumiel training because I wanna help, but....

[Another tired sigh.]

[iblistriggered]

It's alright if you don't.

[Silver won't press.]

I think you should. Keep up the training, I mean. I didn't really care about where I go either... Moriarty wants to go to Site 3 out in Colorado 'cause that's where Mr. Holmes is, so I'm going with him. [he nudges Leo with his foot] You should come with.

[eldritcheyes]

Yeah, I'd rather go wherever you go. At least I know you're still my friend, even if nobody else is.

[... what?]

[iblistriggered]

[Silver tilts his head]

Huh? What do you mean by that? You mean Alcor? Who cares what he thinks, he's not here.

[eldritcheyes]

Not him, no.

[Not elaborating on that, either. He looks so uncomfortable. This isn't the same happy and only mildly self-deprecating Leo that Silver remembers.]

Is anybody else from our group going to Site 3?

[iblistriggered]

[you do him a big concern]

Mmm. No, not that I know of. A lot of them are going up to Canada, I think. [Silver shrugs] Too cold for me.

[eldritcheyes]

That's good, I guess. That it's just gonna be you, me, and Moriarty, I mean.

[He's hugging the pillow tighter and burying his face in it.]

[iblistriggered]

[Silver "Mmm"s affirmatively, leaning up against Leo a bit and letting there just be silence for a bit. After a while, he does speak again;]

Why d'ya ask that?

[eldritcheyes]

[Leo doesn't answer right away. For several seconds, he just lays there, face pressed into his pillow. When he does speak, it's muffled and so unhappy.]

'Cause I don't wanna be around them.

[iblistriggered]

Not even Giriko? [Silver says it jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Chainsaw mom was............. well. She was.] I don't get it though... did something happen...?

[eldritcheyes]

... Giri's cool. But she doesn't need....

[He trails off, fingers digging into the pillow until his knuckles go white.]

She's got the others.

[iblistriggered]

[Silver frowns] I'm pretty sure she doesn't really have friends, but... that's not the point, is it.

[eldritcheyes]

[Leo makes a quiet noise that's probably a sound of agreement.]

Haven't really left my room much, except to get food. Don't wanna risk bumping into most of them. I mean, I like Goro, he's cool too, but... yeah.

[iblistriggered]

[Silver kicks back on Leo's bed, looking up at the ceiling. He doesn't have his boots on, so he puts his beans on Leo's back] ... you know, it's real hard for me to try and help you if I don't know what's bugging you, man.

[eldritcheyes]

... I don't think you can help, buddy.

[He doesn't want to talk about it. He's pretty sure if he does, he'll start bawling and that won't do anything but make him feel as crappy physically as he does mentally. Honestly, he'd like a hug right now, but he'd have to let go of his pillow and stop hiding his face and then Silver will see how miserable he is.

If Michella was here, she'd probably grab his hands and insist he's a good person. Klaus would try to pep-talk him, remind him of what he did during the incident with the King of Despair. None of it would help. He feels so selfish and humiliated and a dozen different shades of awful.]

I already put so much crap on your mind when I died. Not gonna do it again.

[iblistriggered]

Well... You know I forgave you for that stuff, right? It was dumb, but you already beat yourself up about it so much... [there's no point in him being angry about it any more] But for the record, watching someone die is way worse than dying. [foot nudge. Nuuuudddgeee] But we won't know if I can help unless you tell me, riiiiight~?

[eldritcheyes]

[Damn it, Silver.

Leo finally releases his pillow and squirms around until he can hug his best friend, pressing his face into the soft ruff of fur. It doesn't take long for that fur to start feeling damp.]

I hate feeling like this. It's not fair.

[iblistriggered]

Bwah...!

[Silver is surprised! But once the surprise wears off, he wraps his arms around Leo, too. Oh no, he's crying. Silver rubs his friend's back]

Feeling what way? What's wrong, Leo?

[eldritcheyes]

I....

[It's ugly and he doesn't want to let it out but he's tired of feeling horrible inside.]

I-- it's not Hestia's fault, she was just doing what she was supposed to... b-- but I was so jealous all the time....

[Jealousy isn't much different from selfishness, and that's something Leo hates down to his core.]

[iblistriggered]

[Ah. Jealousy... That makes sense, now]

... right. With.... everyone hooking up and stuff. It's... really easy to feel lonely when everyone is being... like that.

[eldritcheyes]

All the time, everywhere! And I... I just lost White right before 6350 summoned me....

[It's been almost two years and it still hurts. He told her to be strong, but he misses her so much.]

I don't know how much of this is me and how much is Hestia... it... it's all mixed up and I hate it.

[iblistriggered]

I'm sorry, Leo... [Silver frowns and squeezes his friend] I think... I don't think Hestia can make us feel anything, I think she can only increase or decrease those things. But... hey...! Look at you..! At least you have a chance of finding someone! I'm a bachelor for life, you know?

[eldritcheyes]

You think I have a chance just because I'm human? That doesn't mean anything, Silver. There's a lot of people who go through life alone. I... I don't think I even deserve to find somebody, not when I feel this ugly inside.

[He clings to Silver's smaller form. Getting this out doesn't feel healing like people say it does.]

Can we both just be bachelors for life together?

[iblistriggered]

[not immediately. But just like a splinter, you have to take out the nidus of infection to start healing.

Silver laughs a bit, trying to lighten the mood]

Being human in this world means you at least have a chance. But just because you were jealous once... that doesn't mean you're disgusting or ugly. [he chuckles again] But... that sounds fun, too.